


From Russians With Love

by 2spooky4u, your mom (2spooky4u)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Aww, Birthday Party, Case Fic, Crack, Dean's Birthday, Everybody's Russian, GABRIEL'S NOT DEAD, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, I'm pretty sure I was drunk writing this, Language Barrier, Trickster - Freeform, i found this on my computer, russian!kink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-05
Updated: 2013-09-05
Packaged: 2017-12-25 16:00:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/955034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/2spooky4u/pseuds/2spooky4u, https://archiveofourown.org/users/2spooky4u/pseuds/your%20mom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Something weird happens. Then, something weirder happens. Also, it's suddenly his birthday and a whole bunch of dudes undied. A birthday party ensues.</p>
            </blockquote>





	From Russians With Love

**Author's Note:**

> God help me. 
> 
>  
> 
> Also, the Russian has vague meaning, but basically they're saying 'what the hell' and stuff

"Dean, ты в порядке , парень?"

"What d'you say, Sammy?"

"Я спросил, если вы хорошо."

"Um, one more time?"

"Вы даже говорили реальные слова , чувак ?"

Dean moaned and rolled over so that he could massage his thumbs into his temples against the terrible headache that threatened to overtake him. 

"Dean....." Sam trailed off, looking concerned. "поговорить со мной, человеком."

"The hell are you sayin'?" Dean said. Sam sounded like a Cold War era generic film villain. 

"Dean, мне теперь нужно позвонить Castiel?" 

Huh. Seems like the only real words Sam could say were names. 

"You still speak English, buddy?"

Sam frowned. That wasn't reassuring. 

"Я звоню Cas."

Sam sat on the edge of his bed, pursing his lips at Dean. 

Now that Dean thought about it, that was most certainly Russian. Maybe. Or something. Slavic, Czech, Greek? Cyrillic? 

Sam spoke again in the mysterious tongue. 

"Cas," he began. "Обычно я не назвал бы вас, если мы не были в смертельной опасности . но , хм, есть проблема."

"Sam, you're scaring me."

"сюрприз!" Cas yelled, appearing out of nowhere. "С Днем Рождения, Dean."

"Happy birthday indeed," said a voice behind him. 

"Finally, someone else who speaks god damned English."

"Yeah, everyone else in the English speaking world now speaks only what you thought was Russian." Dean whipped his head around to see Gabriel and a bunch of dead angels. Balthazar, Raphael, Anna, Naomi, Zachariah, Salamanderwhatever/Alfie.....

"It ain't my birthday," Dean said, despite the fact that it was, in fact, his birthday. 

"Oh ho ho, the lice midget speaks," Zachariah sneered. 

"'Lice midget'? Really?"

Cas and Sam stared. 

"чтоублюдок черта вы здесь делаете???" Sam hissed at the dead angel brigade. 

"лет парни не ты мертв?" Cas asked. He was frowning and tilting his head. 

"Какого черта вы все говорят по-английски ?" Sam inquired. 

"Wha....." Dean asked, unable to comprehend the dead angels or the whole Russian language trade. He didn't even know which one to try to comprehend first. 

"If it's any consolation, anyone who spoke Russian before now speaks English," Naomi said, gesturing at the television which sprung to life to show an old, wizened grandma wearing Russian-looking clothing. 

"I make food for grandbabies, yes?" The old woman grinned her toothless yet endearing grin at the camera before Anna rolled her eyes and turned off the television. 

"Why?" Dean managed to choke out. 

"Because we hate you," Raphael said. 

"L. O. L." Zachariah intoned. 

"Sorry, broski," Gabriel said. "It was Zach and Raffi's idea, but they made us do it for funzies."

"I don't even know what's going on," Alfie said. 

"What the fuck ever," Anna said. 

"I know, right?" Naomi said, rolling her eyes. 

"Now, I hate to be Russian off, but I gotta go. Privyet!" Raphael fluttered away. 

"That was a terrible joke," Balthazar said, disappearing too. 

"I'm pretty sure 'privyet' is hello," Alfie said. They disappeared one by one until only Anna was left. 

"Aw, cheer up, man," she said. "At least you'll fit right in at the Sochi Olympics."

Then it was only Dean, Sam, and Cas in the hotel room. 

"что фактические ебать."

"What the actual fuck."

**Author's Note:**

> .....so yeah. That happened. 
> 
>  
> 
> I need to not have vodka while I'm in a writing mood. Or like ever. But I'm postin' cause you know YOLO and shit


End file.
